Sophie's Journey Part I: What's a Nice Girl Like You Doing in a Place Like This?

Can I play too?

The holidays are upon us and I am leaving town for a few weeks to visit family on the other side of the country. My family thinks I am 'different.' Or free-spirited, or offbeat or unique. Pick your adjective.  This is because I moved so far away from home, I am single, I have no babies and I have no foreseeable plans to live a normal (boring) life like the rest of them. They don't know I am kinky, and they don't know about my career choice.

I grew up pretty normal. I wasn't super popular and had some trouble making friends, but lots of kids go through that. I never got tattooed, I never got anything pierced and graduated from college magna cum laude. I was the exemplary daughter and student! Because of all this, many people ask me how I became kinky, personally and professionally.

As I moved into early adulthood, I definitely noticed there were lots of things other girls were into that I wasn't, like finding a nice guy who made lots of money and provide a big house for lots of babies. I brushed it off and assumed that as the years went by, I would eventually feel just like all of those other girls. I got a moderately attractive non-kinky boyfriend who wanted to marry and we stayed together for 3 agonizing years and when I finally moved out of his house, not only did I have to find a new apartment, I had to find a therapist to help me get over vanilla monogamy hell.

I started writing comedy at this time, and a really beautiful blonde woman was cast in my script. She was so hot, even though she wore no makeup and sweatpants to set. She admitted to me that she worked as a Mistress at at fetish dungeon and my jaw dropped to the floor.

Me: You mean that's your job? Sign me up! 
Hot Blonde Mistress: Come with me to the dungeon tomorrow and I'll hook you up. 

The only time I had ever played before was with a few Spanko's, who I always attracted because of my round yoga booty. But I didn't realize how many people were kinky and that there was a whole community of people into kink. The icing on the cake was that I could quit my job as a elementary school art teacher-slash-waitress and become a pro-fetishist. And that is exactly what I did.

Check back in next week for Part II: My Training and My First Session (Yes it gets juicier.)

No one is safe.

David's bad diabetes joke earned him the wax treatment. Lucky man!

Everyone knows that stand up comedians are horribly demented and damaged individuals. That is why my services were used at a comedy club last night. My job was to torture and humiliate comics after their sets in a sick and twisted live variety show called Paid or Pain. (Funny comedians get money, unfunny comedians get Me!) Or, if a comic was really funny, but really wanted a preview of my sadistic skill set, I could torture them too!

Just a few vanilla-minded comics thought my presence was gross and intimidating and turned the whole night into a side show. Very true! But if I was on stage performing for a group of bloodthirsty drunks and their disapproval of me resulted in hot wax all over my legs, I'd feel lucky for being rewarded for a bad performance! Or I'd brush it off as 'just another Thursday!' But I live in a my own kinky bubble in a crazy town where I get paid to control how people feel. Whether I want them to cry or laugh, I am an emotional puppet master. This is the last thing I ever imagined I would do for work, yet I do it very well. OK perverts - start working your mediocre material at the open mics and one day you may be lucky enough to run into me on the stage.